Opinions Matter with Adrian & Jeremy

00:00 Plug those headphones in. It's time for Ireland's only interactive podcast. The multi-award winning Opinions Matter with Adrian and Katie. 00:12 You're very welcome to this latest Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian and Katie, recorded live at our studio at the White Sands Hotel in Port Marnock in North County, Dublin. If you're in the Port Marnock area, why not swing by the White Sands Hotel? The Oasis bar and grill just below our studio is ideal for a great feed and a great bar with a great atmosphere. It really is. Go for a walk along the Strand, along the beautiful beach in Port Marnock, and then pop back in here on your way home. 00:45 And if you're looking for somewhere to stay in North County Dublin, may we also recommend the White Sands Hotel here in Port Marnock. 00:54 So what do we want to talk about on this latest Opinions Matter podcast? 00:59 Have a listen to this message from a listener who doesn't want to be identified. And I think you'll understand why in just a moment. 01:07 I live in the state in Bray and there's a family across from my house and I regularly hear the mother and father shouting at each other. I can hear them calling each other all sorts, sometimes even calling each other CUNTs while their kids are in the house. 01:25 Their little boy sometimes plays with my daughter. They're both six. 01:30 And yesterday, when they were out playing in the front garden, my daughter came running into me in tears because she said the little boy called her a stupid, useless bitch and then told her that because she's a woman, she has to do what he says because the men are in charge and that he can teach her a lesson if she doesn't. 01:54 This is out of the mouth of a six-year-old, by the way. 01:57 I'm concerned that there is abuse going on in his home by his father. Where does a six-year-old even come up with that? I literally had goosebumps when he told me. 02:08 Sorry, when she told me, her daughter, that is. My husband is telling me to butt out, but I want to report them to the guards or to someone. These kids need to be taken away. What should I do? 02:22 And that's from a lady who, as I said, doesn't want to be identified other than the fact that she lives in Bray. We do know the part of Bray that she lives in, but it's kind of irrelevant, to be quite honest with you, at this point. Katie, you were horrified when we got this, understandably. 02:39 I actually had tears in my eyes. Like, that's horrific for a six-year-old. Like, that poor child. And, OK, if it was that child talking to my child, I wouldn't be too fond of, you know, my kid being around that kid again. But the bigger picture, that's, I find it incredibly sad that a six year old will come out with something like that. It's not the language, it's the tone that the man is in charge, that he can teach a lesson. 03:04 My five year old, I have a five year old and he would never, he wouldn't even know what that means to teach someone a lesson. 03:09 So he called this girl, and they're both six again, he called this girl a stupid, useless bitch and then told her that because she's a woman, she has to do what he says because the men are in charge and that he can teach her a lesson if she doesn't. Six, yeah. It's shocking. 03:28 I find that absolutely. When I read that message first when you sent it on to me this morning, I mean it when I had goosebumps. I felt sick reading it because it is the bigger picture. Okay, to a lot of people, this might not seem like a big deal. But if a six-year-old is coming up with something... 03:43 It is a big deal. 03:43 The amount of people who are saying, mind your own business, even on Facebook, people use bad language. And even down to the parents calling each other cunts in front of the child. Your kid... It's not against the law. No, it's not against the law. 03:56 But your child gets... Like you're hardly going to a ring too slow because somebody said the word cunt. 03:59 No, no, no, not that. But your kid gets only a few short years at being a child and having innocence and having their childhood. 04:07 If you cannot be mature enough and adult enough and decent enough to protect your kid from that shit, from your own personal shit, then maybe you shouldn't have kids. It's disgusting and despicable. 04:17 No, I agree with you that it is disgusting and despicable. 04:21 But what's this woman to do? She has no proof... that there is any physical abuse going on in this home, okay? All she has is that she has heard the mother and father shouting at each other. Whoop-dee-doo. I shouted at my wife a few weeks ago. 04:37 A child does not just say something like that. This isn't like kids turn around and be like, you know, they might hear, fuck off, or they might say a bold word, hee-hee-hee, a boy said a bold word. This has an undertone to it, a really sinister, worrying concern. It still, though, doesn't prove anything. 04:53 Yeah, OK, he didn't lick it off a stone. He didn't lick it off a stone. 04:58 He did hear it somewhere. Yes, you're dead right. 05:02 But the question is, what should be done about this? Can she do anything? Because she doesn't have any proof that anything has happened here. And that's the conversation that we want to have with you. Our number is 085-825-2626. And as I said, Katie, there is no proof that these parents have done anything wrong. 05:29 I think it's monkey see, monkey do. I think a child picks this up from somewhere and I would be really concerned for the welfare of the mother if that's the tone that's being used in the house. I don't know what the answer is because, like you say, you can't prove it, but I find that message just disturbing and extremely upsetting. 05:48 No, I'm not denying that. I'm not doubting that. It is upsetting. It is disturbing. 05:54 But does it prove anything? Does it prove that there is... 05:57 It proves that there's something. We're getting messages. Physical violence going on in this house. Look, we've got three messages here from people who are all saying they know... And by the way, we're not identifying the estate. 06:07 We're not saying the estate. And I'll tell you the reason that we're not... No, it doesn't matter. 06:10 It doesn't matter. 06:11 The reason we're not identifying the estate is it's actually quite a small estate and we're not prepared to narrow it down, okay? 06:18 But we're getting messages from people in the same estate who also hear shouting regularly... Again, it's not illegal to hear shouting. It's child abuse. How is it child abuse? For parents to be... For a child to witness shouting? No, no, no. Shouting, that's whatever bit of shouting. Everybody has their disagreements. People get heated up. That's not the issue. If you are calling, regularly screaming at your partner in front of your kids and calling them cunts at the top of your voice and not even screaming... No, I agree that it's not ideal. 06:49 However... 06:51 has anything illegal happened here? 06:55 The tone would say to me that there's something going on in the house. Absolutely. Two slip, I wouldn't bother with two slip. There's more kids seem to go missing all the time. But then what do you do? 07:05 I would, myself personally, I'd probably try and befriend the mother, see if I could, you know, see if she's all right or ring the guards. I couldn't turn a blind eye to something like that. 07:13 In regards, I heard our neighbours shouting at each other. It's not about that. The cards aren't even going to bother their arse. 07:17 It's not about that. It's about the tone of what the kid is saying. And if they're calling each other, if that's what they're doing loudly, imagine what's going on behind the closed doors when the windows aren't open and nobody can hear. If you don't care about your neighbours, you hearing yourselves calling each other cunts. 07:33 Okay, let's kick off this conversation with a WhatsApp voice note from James. 07:37 Jeez, it's a tough situation here when a kid's coming out with stuff like that. I think whatever a parent does with their kid is their own business, and if they get caught, they get caught. But I think one big concern that I have is if the kid's saying that at six years old to another little girl, what's he going to be saying when he's 18 and starts meeting a girlfriend of his own? 07:56 He's just going to bring that behaviour into his own household, into his own family life. 08:00 I mean, if Dad's hitting Matt and he thinks that's OK, well, in the future, he's going to think that's OK too. Opinions Matter. Opinions Matter. 08:08 With Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. 08:10 A daily podcast from Ireland about opinions. Looking to transform your home without breaking the bank? Visit Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture, Dublin's trusted family business with over 50 years of experience. Take advantage of their famous stairs and landing package deal. Just €500 supplied and fitted, including up to 16 square yards of quality carpet. Plus, discover fantastic deals on stylish laminate flooring, durable vinyl flooring, beds, mattresses and furniture for every room. With free measuring and sample services, finding your perfect floor has never been easier. 08:42 Visit Carpet Luxury Bedding and Furniture today or shop online at CarpetLuxuryBeddingAndFurniture.com. Quality, value and service you can trust. 08:50 Lisa, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Lisa? Hi, Adrian. How are you? Good, thanks, Lisa. Well, you've heard the message. This particular family in Bray, Mammy and Daddy shouted at each other a lot and the young child repeated fairly horrific stuff like you're a useless bitch and stuff like that. What do you make of this and what should this lady do? 09:12 Well, I'd contact, I don't have much faith into this, but unfortunately there's no kind of other option. Adrian, contact Susla and contact the guards, without a doubt. That child is obviously a product of his environment. He's hearing it and he's acting it out. So I'm not worried about the mother. I'm kind of a bit sick and tired of... 09:35 Women facilitating children being abused, to be blunt. So, you know, I don't tend to spend much time worrying about people who are willing to live in that situation. But I do worry about kids living in it who have no choice, you know? 09:48 But again, ringing too slow was... Like, zero evidence other than you've heard them shouting at each other. 09:56 It's very rare that you'd have actual evidence of a child being verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually abused. 10:06 And it kind of every case would start with someone reporting something that just didn't seem right. Maybe a teacher or, again, a neighbor or a friend with just something seeming off, you know. And if there's nothing wrong, well, that's that's fantastic. But why would you risk leaving a child in that environment? It's like a phone call. 10:26 But the fact of the matter is, what does the phone call say, Lisa? When you ring, what do you say? 10:33 You say that a child is saying extremely inappropriate things, repeat them what was said, and that it would, you know, obviously the child is hearing it somewhere and that you're a little bit concerned that the child is being brought up in an environment that's dangerous, where he's clearly being at least verbally abused and being taught... That he, you know, that way of living, that men are, you know, men rule the roost type of thing. 10:59 OK, well, stay there for one second if you can, please, Lisa. Our number is 085-825-2626. As far as you're concerned, there is enough evidence to at least make a phone call to Tusa and or the guards. 11:14 Of course there is. And, you know, the husband saying keep quiet and, you know, don't do anything. 11:20 Adrian, that is so, it's very Catholic Ireland, isn't it? Say nothing, just brush it under the carpet there till the carpet is like Aladdin's rug floating in the air with all the shit brushed under it and no one's saying anything. People need to open their mouth when a child displays any kind, any kind of indication that something's not quite right at home. You have to open your mouth. I don't care who you are, what you are, you know, pull your balls down. 11:45 out your stomach and make the phone call or knock at the door and like I said this estate that this couple this family live in in Bray that we're not naming we are getting messages here from other people who live in that same estate they're able to tell us what estate they know I mean no I'm not denying that that means all the people are aware and no one's doing yeah imagine turning your head again Katie all the people are aware of what that a couple are shouting at each other but if those parents are calling each other cunts like that in front that's child abuse that is child abuse 12:14 Where in the law does it state that shouting the word cunt is against child abuse? 12:18 A child only has a childhood for so long. A few short years. They shouldn't be happy to listen. 12:22 I'm not in any way arguing that this is in any way right, but at what point is it against the law to shout and what words are banned from shouting? Do you understand the point I'm making? 12:33 Something needs to be done because a child shouldn't have to live like that. A six-year-old should not have to live to hear his mother and father treating each other like that and speaking to each other like that. That is disgusting. 12:43 I'm not arguing that point. I agree that it is disgusting, but I'd love to know where it says in law that you can't call somebody a cunt, and if you do it in front of a child, you should be arrested. 12:54 Hang on, there's a lot of things that aren't illegal that should be illegal, you know, and doing that in front of a child is not right. It is abuse. It's not fair on the kid, and if that's what they're doing... By the way, Katie, I... 13:06 I've heard countless parents cursing in front of their children in pubs and, come over here, you little fucker. I've heard all this. Is that against the law? 13:16 That should be, talking to your kid like that. 13:19 Yeah. We had a caller on this show only a couple of months ago who told her child, shut the fuck up, you little cunt. Do you remember that? On air. 13:31 But is that illegal? 13:31 That's disgraceful. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. No child should be... Lisa, I mean, do you understand the point I'm trying to make here? Parents should be protecting their kids from this shit. 13:39 I do, Adrian, and I understand what Katie's saying as well. I worked with a girl from Canada years ago, and I'll never, ever forget a question she asked me. She couldn't understand why. 13:50 She said, so many Irish people I've never heard at home address their children as genitalia. And I was like, oh, fuck, fuck. 13:58 You know, because that's all she was hearing was people speaking to their kids like that. It's not illegal, but it's not nice, you know. 14:05 Okay, but is it bad enough that you need to call Tusla or the guards? And if so, what are they going to do about it? 14:15 I wouldn't call Tusla or the guards if a kid is saying that, you know, they heard their mammy or daddy calling one another a cunch. That wouldn't be guard or Tusla flagging things for me personally. 14:27 But when a child is saying things like, you know, that he'll kick her in the whatever and he'll, you know, in other words, men rule the domain. 14:37 Yeah, I spoke to this mother off air. I spoke to this mother off air, the one who sent the message, and she said that she couldn't put it all. She only thought of it after. But apparently the child turned around and said to a six year old, turn around and said, I'll kick you in the pussy. A six year old. No, I'm... Where does a six-year-old... For my son and my kids, a pussy means a cat. 14:57 I'm not arguing the point at all. 14:59 It's a parent's job to protect your kids. If you are doing that around your kids and if you're letting your kids live like that, you're not protecting them. And that is abuse. 15:07 Again, Katie, we've all heard it. I have heard parents screaming at their kids in shops, in pubs, in restaurants. 15:17 Shut up, you little cunt! I've heard it. That's emotional abuse. 15:21 Okay, stay there for a second. I want to go to Liam. You're on Opinions Matter, Liam. How are you? 15:25 I'm all good, Adrian. How are you? 15:27 How are you doing? Not a bother, thanks, Liam. Well, Liam, what did you want to say on this? What should be done here? This lady who contacted us about the sort of stuff that's coming out of this six-year-old's mouth. What should be done here? 15:39 Well, Adrian, to be honest, I think you're missing the bigger picture on this. You know, like, yeah, you could, you know, say, oh, he's just calling, or she's just calling the child a little cunt or something like that. But at the end of the day, look at the language the child has used against another girl. No six-year-old ever says ever naturally learn to use language like that and say things to her like that. You know, that's clearly a sign that there's something else going on in that house. It's not just about parents screaming. It's about what the child is learning. It doesn't matter if they're not screaming directly at the child. What they're doing is they're screaming. 16:11 The child's in a dangerous environment. For all we know, it could get physical. I'm not going to say it is because we don't know that. But in situations like that, you know, the child is still in that household. The child is picking up these things. No, and again... 16:24 I agree it is horrible for a child to witness and to hear stuff like this. 16:32 This woman who contacted us has no evidence at all of any violence in this house other than she has heard the mother and father shouting at each other. That's all we have here. 16:44 Yeah, but again, I'm not saying that it is physical. I specifically said that. But, you know, it's not just about physical abuse, not just about sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is just as valid as any other type of abuse. And if it's going on in the household, whether it's being targeted directly at the child or at the mother, the child is still in that environment and has to go up with that. And that is something that is going to affect them in the long term. It's something that will have a long, you know, emotional consequence on the child going forward. Because imagine now he goes forward into school and, you know, he's getting older and he's picking fights with the girls in school. 17:18 Imagine the horrible things he'd be saying to them. He's learning that behaviour. He's picking that up off the parents. I don't think it's very wrong for anyone to be concerned about that. 17:26 Concerned, yes. I'm concerned. Hearing that story of a six-year-old saying to another six-year-old, you're a stupid, useless bitch, and that you're going to have to do what I say because men are in charge. That is very concerning. I agree. It is of concern. My question, though, is what can be done here? Because is it illegal to shout? No, it's not. I'm sorry. It's abuse. 17:54 It is abuse. A six-year-old. 17:56 So arrest everybody who uses bad language in front of their child. 18:00 A six-year-old. No, no. There's a difference between using bad language in front of your child and letting a bit of bad language drop and referring your kid to your child as a cunt. That... 18:12 That's disgusting. And anybody who does that, you shouldn't have to. Again, I am not arguing that it is disgusting. A six-year-old is a baby. 18:19 Are we now getting to the stage that we're dictating to people the words that they can use? 18:24 A six-year-old can't speak up for themselves, especially a six-year-old in a position like this. This sounds like a vulnerable situation. It sounds like a very volatile situation. It sounds like he's in a vulnerable and volatile situation. And it seems that nobody else is sticking up for the child. So somebody needs to. 18:39 Sorry, go on, Liam. Yeah, go on. 18:41 So I just want in there and say, right, I come from a background of, you know, working in childcare before. I've done it from as young as, since I was 17, for a good few years, I worked with kids, I, you know, so I've done the required child protection and everything that's supposed to provide for it. 18:58 One of the big things that you're taught when you're doing that child protection is to look out for the subtle details. Sometimes a child might outright say to you that something's going on in the house and that's okay, that has to be taken seriously. But if you have genuine reason to think that there's abuse in the household, You're not wrong for bringing it up with someone. Now, to be honest, I don't think it's very fair on the child if you jump the gun right away and call to it without explicit evidence of something going on. 19:32 And again, other than what the young fella said and other than the fact that this lady has overheard this couple shouting at each other, that's as far as the evidence goes. 19:42 Yeah, but it shows the behavior that that child's being taught, Adrian. You know, you have to look at it that way. If that's what the child's being raised to, the thing in the home, thinking it's all right to call another girl a useless bitch and say that he's going to teach her a lesson, do you think that's not a reflection of what's going on at home? 19:58 I do. Absolutely, I do. 20:02 It is a sign of perhaps what's going on, or it's a sign of what they're being exposed to on television or on video games or something else other than Mammy and Daddy. 20:14 A message here from someone who's claiming to know this same family, and they've just told me something from their point of view that they've witnessed, and this is horrific. It might not be illegal. None of this is OK. We don't know if obviously if things are physical, that's that's illegal. 20:33 But even this, what it says in this, I'm going to see if I can get them on illegal or not. This is absolutely it's disturbing. It is disturbing. And it's very distressing to read this, to think that a six year old is being exposed to something like this. I'm going to try and get them on if you want to just go back to the call. 20:50 Okay, but let me... Actually, let me play this WhatsApp voice note that came in to us just before we started recording today from Claire. 21:00 I strongly believe that this is a difficult one. However, if you firmly believe that there is abuse going on, then you should report to social services to be investigated. As if you were correct and there was abuse going on and you didn't do anything and something serious was to happen, you would never forgive yourself. If anyone said that to my six-year-old, it would be reported straight away. 21:24 That is a threat and you have to believe your kids first. I would also strongly advise to keep your daughter away from these people unsupervised by a trusted adult. Far many kids get abused these days in many ways and the majority of abusers get away as a lot feel it's best to butt out to avoid confrontation when in fact it's best to protect the kids and speak up for them. Please, good luck. And please, if this lady feels like she wants to message, rant or talk to me, she's well able to. 21:54 I don't mind. 21:56 And I enjoy listening back to the show later on. 22:00 Bye. It's the Opinions Matter podcast with Adrian Kennedy and Jeremy Dixon. A podcast from Ireland with a difference. 22:07 Martin, you believe that people should mind their own business here. 22:11 Mind her own fucking business, Adrian. Get on with her own lives. Go after her own children. If there's a problem, the guards will intervene at some stage. This girl will let them know. It's not up to the nosy fucking neighbour. It's not up to the nosy neighbour, Katie. You know this shit now. It's a nosy old neighbour now. 22:30 The guards won't intervene unless somebody... 22:33 The guards won't intervene unless somebody stands up and says something is going on. Something is going on. 22:41 If there's a problem, the school... Martin, let me ask you, do you think it is normal for a six-year-old child to say to their little friend, you're a stupid, useless bitch? Do you think that's normal? 22:53 Far from it, Adrian, no. That's not normal, no. Okay, so we're... You do hear kids saying, you know, you do hear kids saying things. 23:02 What about the other thing that this young fella said, that she is a woman, she has to do what he says because the men are in charge, and that he can teach her a lesson if she doesn't? Is that normal? 23:14 well that's not normal behaviour now so what will happen is the school as I say when he returns to school if he goes to school will intervene and then they will take it from there instead of a nosy neighbour that will get herself into a load of trouble by calling social services on a woman there's kids out there screaming for social services help and it's so so sad that this country should be ashamed of itself. 23:44 But in this case, we're talking about a child that probably does need help, is being exposed to at least verbal abuse. 23:56 But that's not up to the nosy now to tell anybody to go on. Why doesn't the neighbor knock in? Why doesn't the child set balls and knock in to the woman? 24:04 And is that what you think she should do? And say what? Knock in instead of that. Is everything okay? Knock in and say what? Is everything okay? And the woman says, yes, everything's okay, thanks. 24:15 In the message you first sent us, Martin, you said that maybe the woman in the house is being a cunt. Yeah. And she deserves to be shouted. Like... 24:24 So, what, we're just going to normalize? 24:26 No, no, no, no, Katie. Some women, like in parts of Dublin, some women, you do see it. They're screaming at each other going down the road over money, over whatever, like the parents in front of the children, you know. 24:43 this generation is just messed up but I don't think by ringing social services is going to solve anything but you've already said that you think there's something very abnormal in a 6 year old child saying to why doesn't she have a set of bollocks and knock into the woman next door and say what do you need help 25:09 OK, Liam, let me go back to you for one second. Maybe that's the answer to this, to knock into the neighbour and say, do you need help? Now, the chances are she's going to say no. 25:18 Yeah, it's certainly an option. It's not better than the man on the woman. It's certainly an option to go and ask on the ball instead. You know, again, as I said earlier, I don't think it's right to exactly jump the gun straight away, ringing social services, ringing Tulsler, ringing anything like that. I don't think that's very fair on the side. 25:33 Because Tulsler should be called Yulstra, not Tulsler. They should be called Yulstra. 25:38 Yeah, now, I'm not going to argue on that, but I suppose, like, yeah, you could have a talk neighbour to neighbour. At the end of the day, it also does involve their own daughter, you know, being talked like that. I suppose, you know, what I have to say is, you know, like, even if there was evidence that David Child was being abused in the home, you still think that would be right to not put in on that and do something about that? 26:02 Of course, I'd be sighting. If it was one of my fucking neighbours, I'd be sighting over the wall. 26:06 Okay, but you see, you knock on the door, you say to the neighbour, is everything okay in this house? 26:11 And she says, is everything okay? Or I'll have to call social services because I have a concern about the child. 26:18 Okay, and the mother says, no, no, everything's grand here. Everything's grand, a lot of bother, nothing to see here. Then what do you do? 26:24 Yeah, but then you switch off and mind your own fucking business. 26:28 Yeah, you see, I think the answer you're most likely to get if you're to knock at the door is nothing to see. 26:35 If you do nothing, if you do nothing... The thing about it is, Katie, there is no point in calling and no good shower comes called toosla. 26:45 Okay, forget about toosla for a moment. Forget about toosla. Talk about the authorities, blah, blah, blah. Like, you're basically saying put your head in the sand. Like, I know you said knock in if you have to do something, but you're... 26:57 You know yourself what's going to happen if you knock in. You know what's going to happen. If you turn, you're calling people nosy, what was it you said? 27:03 Nosy pastas. 27:05 I would say that that attitude would make you complicit in child abuse. 27:10 What do you mean? Katie, there is no evidence of any child abuse here. Can I just tell you again? 27:16 I'm sorry, for a child, a six-year-old to recite off that language... Katie, just because a child comes out with a bit of bad language doesn't mean there's something going on in the home. 27:25 No, Martin, I'm sorry. Come on, Katie. No, I have to disagree with you. I have to disagree. I'm very... 27:32 Just because all your little kids are angels and don't say a bit of bad language. 27:36 They're not angels. My kids are far from angels. They're like any other kids. They'll use a bold word and think they're hilarious. But they would never. There's an undertone. 27:43 But a child can pick up language like that anywhere. 27:46 Anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere. I'm in charge. If you don't listen, I will teach you a lesson. No, there's an undertone in that. An undertone that you don't just pick up or come out with at six years old. 27:56 You hear that in a Dublin bus and a daily basis. 27:58 Nosy fucking neighbours. Complicit in child abuse, I would say. 28:02 That's all it is, nosy neighbour. If she's that concerned about the child, you go into that neighbour. You knock into that woman instead of going behind her back. 28:15 I can't believe what I'm hearing, that you would say somebody is nosy for being concerned. Katie, it's not concerned. Look, hold on a second. Kids come out with this language. 28:24 I know you said what he said, but I've heard worse things. 28:40 Like I've had a six-year-old saying, I blow your head off because they're hearing these things on the TV. 28:46 There's a undertone here. Adrian, I'm after asking that person who lives in the same estate to come on. They won't come on. I'm sending you the message that they sent. 28:53 Okay, I'll read it out in a second because Lisa, you want to get back in. You're spitting bullets here. Why? 29:00 Well, I'm listening to Martin there and, you know, people like him make steam. They boil my piss. They really do. And he's happy to just ignore us. Oh, my God. You knock into the woman, you dick. You knock in instead of being a rat. Instead of being a fucking rat. Instead of being a fucking rat. You sound like you needed intervention as a child. 29:28 Hang on, hang on, hang on. Lisa, how is somebody spineless for saying that he would call into the house? He would knock on the door. 29:39 But Adrian, you know that and I know that. He sounds like he needed intervention. This is the problem. 29:45 If he knocked at the door, he's also potentially putting, if there is abuse going on in that house, he's also potentially putting, making a very volatile situation worse. He's putting... Of course he is. Yeah, boiling my piss. 29:58 That's a great... No, but you'd rather go to snake you and grass on the woman. You sound like you needed intervention. Yeah, fucking winded liquor. 30:08 You uneducated prick. You have a fucking composite in all children. If you know a child is still at risk and you don't open your mouth, then you're part of the fucking problem. You need to understand that. 30:20 Yeah, and you're knocking into the people and you say, is there a problem here? I'll even knock into the woman on his own. 30:26 Well, Martin, clearly no knock at your fucking door. Clearly no knock at your door. 30:31 Why would you knock at my door? 30:32 I'm listening to you. 30:33 My kids don't go around and say them things. So, 30:36 There's nothing wrong with you if you're okay with time. 30:38 Even the way you're speaking to Lisa there and myself calling us window lickers and cunts and bitches. That's just... That's all you do. 30:45 Window lickers sitting looking out the window. What does that even mean, Martin? Do you even know what you're saying? Sitting looking out the window all day. 30:52 What are you doing, Martin? Sitting fucking drinking or shooting up and leaving a child at risk? 30:57 Is that what you believe in, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? 31:00 Someone should have intervened and you wouldn't be in the fucking state you're in, Martin. Let me tell you that. 31:05 That's why you need a responsible adult to open their mouth. You're vulnerable, obviously. You're serious sausage. What's safe in my end? 31:13 Listen to yourself. 31:15 Listen, you're in denial. 31:18 You're in denial because you seem to be okay with a child. 31:24 Hang on. Lisa, let's just deal with what he's just said. 31:27 That rather than making what he called a sneaky phone call to two star of the guards, he would knock on the front door head on and say, is everything all right in this house? 31:39 When the man is gone. And if the woman... Oh, okay. So you wouldn't face the man. You'd go into a woman. You'd go in as a man. No, because I wouldn't like... 31:47 I wouldn't like... I wouldn't like to put the woman into a situation where she get to... Okay. Okay, Martin. 31:52 So if the woman... If you did that, Martin, right? In the Lady Bird book that we're living in at the moment, pretend you knock at the door and ask the woman. If she says to you, no, mate, everything is grand, don't worry about it. What are you doing then, Martin? You're going home and having a business? What are you doing? I'm brought out. 32:07 I'm brought out then. You're what? 32:08 You've got to know because a vulnerable woman is probably subjected to domestic violence and her kids will tell you, Martin, that you're okay. 32:16 It's up to that woman to call the police if she's getting a bit. 32:20 It's not up to the woman to call the police. It's up to fucking you and everyone else who knows it. 32:27 Lisa, I could also argue that it is up to that woman if she is being subjected to abuse and reported. 32:37 Martin, I think what's more concerning here is you think it's normal or somewhat normal for a six-year-old. No way, Katie. No, I didn't. 32:42 No, don't. 32:43 He said kids come out with stuff. Kids come out with stuff. They come out with all sorts of things, Katie, come on. No, they don't come out with that. They don't come out with that. Stop, Katie, will it? No. For God's sake. I haven't had kids anymore. Oh, stop. Well, then they're hearing it at home because a child does not come out with, I'm the man, I'm in charge, and if you don't listen to me, I'll teach you a lesson. A six-year-old, a baby, a baby's six. 33:07 So how do you know he hasn't been watching TV? So how do you know he hasn't been watching TV? 33:12 And I did say that earlier on. How do you know he didn't pick it up from a video game or from some television show? 33:17 the fact that they're screaming in the house, that message I just sent you, what haven't you read that out? 33:22 It's up to that woman to report. It's up to that woman to report to him. 33:26 Okay, stay there for one second, Martin, if you can, please. I will read that message out. It's horrific. In just a moment, but I just want to bring in Dave's WhatsApp voice notes. 33:37 Hey guys, I was in this exact same position in my last house that I was renting. The people were killing each other next door, throwing each other down the stairs, etc. 33:50 And what I done was, I let Tulsa know because I could hear the kids screaming and it all went belly up because they got a copy of the phone call from Tulsa. 34:01 somehow due to the data protection or freedom of information act or something like that and they knew by my accident that it was me and they made my life absolutely living hell they ended up getting kicked out now it took me three months But they ended up getting kicked out of the house. Now, we were kind of moving anyway, but we were kicked out, or they were kicked out kind of two weeks before we had moved out anyway. But for three solid months nearly, they made our life living an absolute nightmare. 34:39 Rachel, you're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Rachel? Hi, I'm good. I'm good. Now, Rachel, what do you want to say on this? By the way, I'm going to read out that message from somebody who lives in that estate. 34:49 It's going to make the hairs on the back of your neck sand. And if it doesn't, then... OK, I'll read it out in a second. 34:55 Sorry, Rachel, what do you want to say? 34:57 Yeah. 35:21 horrible. The name she used to be called Fat Pig, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. She grew up to have anorexia because of that. Oh no, that is awful. The school was concerned, contacted me, they knew we were our neighbours. I had recordings of what was going on next door. There was a paper pin. She was beaten really badly one night and didn't come into school the next day. Oh no, that is... 35:47 But again, sorry, Rachel, at this moment, we have absolutely no evidence at all. 35:56 What she's saying is that she could hear the same thing that's been said. The exact same thing. 36:01 I always got words. 36:03 It got worse as she grew up. This way, my school turns out the mother who was beating the daughter, her sister-in-law works in Toslet. And that same mother came out screaming to my mum saying, that didn't get in, that hated him. I would fully support somebody getting to get a group. 36:31 Okay, but again, what you're talking about is even more extreme than what we're hearing here because we have absolutely no evidence of anything other than shouting. 36:46 And do you know what? 36:47 Showing is how it starts, but you don't know what's going on behind them closed doors. And I'll tell you something, every single person that knows this woman, they abuse her, thinks she's lovely because they don't know what's going on. A bit of shame, she'll say to herself, me and my kids fight, nothing what no one else does, but I'm telling you now, that's how it starts. 37:04 The lady who contacted us who is concerned about the little boy calling her daughter a stupid, useless bitch. And then because she's a woman, she has to do what he says because the men are in charge and that he can teach her a lesson if she doesn't. What should this woman do? Should she call the guards? Should she call Tusla? Should she knock on the front door of the house? What should she do? 37:27 She should be there for that kid because I'm telling you, that kid has no one in their corner at the moment. 37:32 Okay, there you are, Martin. This is about the child. The child has nobody in their corner. 37:37 That's bollocks because I'll tell you why. It's up to Tulsa to step in there. Nobody has to ring them to school or whoever. Or that woman. That woman is in charge of that child. she should go down to the local daddy station and say, my partners will be... Maybe they're not. Maybe they just have arguments. Like, folks, like some people are screaming themselves all day, every day. 37:59 No, no, no, no. There's having arguments. There's having arguments and a disagreement. 38:03 There's people that have arguments every day of the week. 38:05 I've let you speak and spread your crap. 38:07 No, but he is right. There are people who have arguments every day of the week. 38:11 There is having arguments, there's having disagreements, there's having heated rows where your voice is raised or whatever. But then there's actively calling each other cunts and shouting at each other. 38:22 Yeah, but as that man came on there and said a while ago that when he went to children, they made his life a living hell. 38:33 I can't hear all of you shouting, for God's sake. 38:36 What did you just say there? You are normalising it. I am not normalising anything. You are normalising it. No, I'm not. All I said was it's not illegal to shout, as I'm doing right now. 38:46 Am I breaking the law of shouting at you? 38:48 But if you start calling me a cunt being serious, you'd know about it. 38:51 What would you do? Call the guards? 38:52 I wouldn't call the guards but I wouldn't let somebody call me a cunt and shout at me like that. The point is that to do it in front of a six year old the way that they are doing it and to have a child whose childhood is very short. 39:04 I am not arguing any of that and I'm certainly not normalising it. 39:08 All I'm arguing is we have no proof of anything other than shouting. 39:16 Read out that message. Okay. Read out that message. 39:18 Let me read out the message. Okay, here we go. 39:20 And tell me there's not something sinister and menacing going on in that house. 39:24 Have a listen to this message. I live in that estate in Bray and I know the family you were talking about. Now, I don't know how you can possibly know because so little detail has been given out and there are so many estates in Bray. 39:34 They said the estate. 39:36 My heart breaks for those children in that house of horrors. I always hear the poor mother crying and the kids crying, the doors being slammed and screaming and shouting, things being smashed. It does leave me feeling physically sick. One evening a few weeks ago, all the kids were out playing out the front and... Sorry, she actually names this man, which I'm not going to read out. The dad came out and was calling his kids in and their younger child, who's only about three, was throwing a bit of a tantrum. 40:09 And he went up and picked him up and says to him, come with me, you stupid little bollocks, or I'll boot you in the effing hole. Yeah. Another time, I was giving the kids on the road some ice pops. And when I offered one to the older one, who is only about eight, she said, if I eat one before dinner, my dad will batter me black and blue. Now, what does that tell you? 40:35 It's very sad. No, that is very sad. That's very sad. 40:38 That is very sad. 40:39 That's horrendous. To think that someone would speak, a grown adult who's supposed to be, you know, their role is supposed to be to protect their child, to look after their welfare physically and mentally. And that's what's happened. And I think that is beyond horrendous. And I think that's a pretty, that to me gives a pretty good indication. 40:57 Now, Martin, you have to accept that that's fairly horrendous now. 41:00 I understand, yeah, that's how I do. But I really, do you know what? I blame the mother then. Because the mother should be down at the gas station saying, hold on, I'm in an abusive relationship. Them kids are whipped over there. She's whipped over there and she's pushed over my safe. Simple. She's in charge of them kids. She's their protector. 41:19 No! 41:21 Yes, Katie. 41:22 Have you heard any stories about that? You are your child's protector, Katie. Not the next door neighbor. You yourself. 41:27 Okay. Take a breath. Take a breath. No. Yes. Take a breath. 41:31 You're winding me up now. 41:32 I don't care if I'm winding you up. You're winding me up. Take a breath. It's not that simple. There are women living in fear of their lives. 41:40 Look at the amount of stories over the last year of women in Ireland who have been murdered. By who? By who? Who is most likely? No, no, Martin. No, I'm sorry. I'm going to stop you right there. It's not as simple as a woman getting up and leaving. For all you know, he could have control of the finances. He could have her. He could be threatening her. Okay, there's nothing to suggest that, Adrian. But we don't know that she doesn't leave because she's not terrified of her life. No. 42:04 Absolutely, we don't. Obviously, we don't know any of that. 42:08 It's as easy to get up and walk out. But we also don't know that there's anything going on in this house other than shouting. I am sick of men victim-blaming. I am sick of men, not all men, I understand, but I'm sick of men making it out that it's easy for women to get up and leave in situations like this. I'm sick of men telling women how they should feel. Look at the stories of all the women in Ireland over the past year being murdered by their partners. 42:33 You walk out the door, mate. Walk out the door and they put you in a safe place. They put you in a safe place. 42:40 Hang on, let me bring in Jeanette. You're on Opinions Matter. How are you, Jeanette? 42:46 Hey, lads. How are you? 42:48 Good, thanks, Jeanette. What did you want to say on this? 42:51 I'm absolutely raging listening to you. I swear to God, I am absolutely raging. First of all, Adrian, for you to be saying it's just shouting, you know goddamn well that there is a difference between shouting. We've all shouted. We have all shouted. I rarely raise a voice and even I've shouted in my own home. There is a difference between two adults having an argument and getting raised voices every now and again to screaming and shouting and cursing and abusing one another. 43:21 And you know exactly that that's what's going on here. You're brushing it off that it's just shouting. It's not. No, no, no. 43:28 I'm not brushing anything off. What I said was, at this moment, we have no proof that there is anything more. That's not up to us. That is not up to us. 43:39 That is up for the guards and to start to figure out. You don't mean to. Toothlow with explicit evidence. That's not how that works. You ring Toothlow because you have a concern or you ring the guards because you have a concern. And they are the ones that are trained to go and figure it out. Toothlow will not just rip children out of a home for no reason. That is such a misconception. And that is coming from somebody who was strung out on heroin, who was in a really violent, a horrifically violent relationship when I was pregnant with my first. 44:10 She's sorry to hear this. And I am telling you now, do not remove their children because if they did, they would have taken mine. 44:17 Of Martin saying, because this is really, in all the years I'm doing this podcast with the lads, I've never been so annoyed by any statement than I am today with this fucking agent on the other end. I can't believe this. This line of, it's her fault she should get up and leave. There are women out there who aren't allowed to have phones. There are women out there who aren't allowed to have their own money. 44:34 That's what happened to me. He has no idea of how bad it is. I ended up being admitted into the Rotunda to try and keep me safe. I was there as an anonymous patient and he tracked me down to the Rotunda. He robbed my house keys. He took over my home. I ended up having to stay there for two extra nights over the weekend until the courts reopened on the Monday so I could get my own home back. And then when I actually got too far involved because I was at my wit's end with this and they helped me get to Canada in order to get away from them so I could give birth to my first child. 45:11 And that's how bad it is. I'm fine now. 45:15 And what about him? 45:16 I'm assuming he has nothing to do. He got suspended three year sentence. Do you have a restraining order? 45:23 Like a safety order, yeah. 45:27 You're safe. He's not on the way at the moment. 45:32 Let me ask you then, Jeanette. Let me ask you, this lady in Bray, who's the one who brought us this story, what do you think this lady should do? It's been suggested that she... 45:43 The next time that it kicks off, she needs to ring the guards. The guards will not tell the family who rang. They will just say that they got a noise complaint. The guards then, as mandatory reporters, will have to inform Toosla that they went to a call out. And Toosla will come out and they will interview the children and they will ask what's going on. And children are not good liars. They are not good liars. And Toosla will be able to figure it out. And let me put this very clear. 46:14 removing children from the home is a genuine last resource for toothless i am not in any way defending them i think they are completely inept there are too many children missing for my liking and i actually know what's happening to some of the children for sure anyway but they will offer them they will literally sit the mother down and they will say we need you to leave or x y and z is going to happen 46:39 okay so she should they will offer them parenting courses sorry this lady this lady and again I have to just stress this point okay this is very important despite that other message that I got a while ago this woman has only ever heard them shouting at each other that's all she's no proof of anything other than that yeah Adrian Adrian unfortunately like I know a mother right now who has lost her children due to years and years of domestic violence 47:09 The man in the relationship, the father in the relationship, has never hurt the children. But children witnessing that is abuse. And they are the children that grow up to either be abused themselves or they become abusers. And that's just fact. You can look that up. That's how it works. 47:27 I'm aware of that. Okay, so you believe that this lady should just call the guards and express her concern? 47:33 Call the guards because... 47:34 Because if she rings Houston, Houston will have to tell her who reported. Okay, because you just said she should call the next time it kicks off. She has never really heard anything kicking off other than hearing them shouting. That's all she's ever heard. 47:52 That's enough. That's a noise complaint. You're worried about your children. Because it's not just, oh my God, how are we going to pay our bills? You know, two adults having a heated conversation is clearly more than that. 48:04 The guards arrive at the door as they regularly do and get greeted with, oh no, there's nothing going on here. 48:12 It's child neglect. What's going on, what that child is going through is child neglect. Regardless of what happens, Adrian, like any time I've had to report a breach of any orders, which have happened over the years, and they were very mild, if the children were present, the guards had to pass that on to TUSLA. I would just get a letter saying, like, the guards had to send on the report. You did the right thing. We're closing the case. We don't need to look into it. But... When Jews will get a report in this instance, it's going to say we were called out because there was allegations of verbal and emotional abuse going on and screaming, shouting. 48:53 There are children in the home. We have to make a mandatory report. 48:57 people will want to come out and not sit back we have a woman on the line on the other line here now who's just uh lola and she's hi guys how are you so you texted in saying yeah i did i just wouldn't let my child associate i wouldn't knock a report i just disassociate i would disassociate first so you turn a blind eye turns my eye yeah if i thought that there was something going on i agree with katie you know like and i agree on both sides of 49:23 Also, I agree with Tufla. I have been in that situation myself years ago. Arguments happen in houses, okay? They do. Shouting happens. You know, if I thought, I don't think it's right for kids to be brought up with that type of language by any means at all. I had an incident many, many years ago. 49:43 And it's one thing that I don't like to talk about, but I did have an incident. I was in a bad place about 10 years ago. And we went into an ambulance and my daughter was coming home from her dad's place and she was seen. So the guards had to come and I had to go to the ambulance and TUSA got involved. TUSA are actually a really good organisation. My case is drafted completely, 100%. It was a one-off incident and I'm ashamed of what happened. But TUSA isn't the worst. They will try and help people. And I think for parents who are in need, I didn't have to get involved with them because I knew I was fine. 50:18 But also, you know, Tuatha, people have this fear word by Tuatha. But there are actually some people that maybe need those services if they have kids and they're not able to manage them and they need support. It's actually, they will try and keep you and they will help you. 50:33 Also, in regards to reporting, stuff like that, I do not, I would just disassociate. I live in a place that's quite near where you're talking about... 50:42 You know, and I see stuff just disassociated with those people. I wouldn't let my child out play. 50:46 Okay, and by the sounds of it, you wouldn't call the guards or Tuesday? 50:52 To be honest with you, if I saw something that was violent, I would. But I did anonymously, and I don't agree with the last person you talked. The guards are not going to give you the person who reports your name. Absolutely not. There's no way they're going to do that. The guards, it's anonymous. It's an anonymous guard. It's a phone call. Anyone can use it. 51:11 So I would just do it that way. 51:13 Okay, so you, in this situation with the exact story that we've been told, you would mind your own business, basically. 51:21 I would find my own business. If I saw violence, I wouldn't let my child play with the other children, put it that way. And if I saw anything violent in the house, I would do the confidential line and use that. 51:31 You'd bury your head in the sand. That's what you do. Let's call it what it is. You'd bury your head in the sand and look the other way. 51:35 Why would I put myself in a situation where I could be attacked then after? 51:40 No, but you just said a minute ago that the police don't, or the guards don't actually say the name. So how would you be attacked? They don't say the names, but they don't say the names. They will go and investigate themselves. I'm not a guardian. Be attacked. Do it anonymously. Why bury your head in the sand? You're a woman. You're a woman. You're a woman. 51:56 And you'd ignore. Because I will protect my own family. And that's it. I'm a woman. I'm a warrior. And I would literally... You're not a warrior. You're a coward. You're not a warrior. 52:06 You're afraid to save another woman for your own skin. You're not a warrior. You're the furthest thing from a warrior. 52:11 You're a coward. Okay, the fact of the matter is that she has said she would not get directly involved. She would keep her distance, basically, and disassociate and not let her child hang around with that other child. 52:24 anymore. Is that what they're calling it? And then she, and then she has the balls or the neck, sorry, not even the balls, the neck, the brass neck to say she's a warrior. I think she's a coward. I think shame on you if you do that. You don't, you can do that. 52:37 I don't start fights. I don't start fights. No, no, no. 52:40 So keep the peace. You don't finish them either. 52:43 Darda and Oman's line is for these reasons. That's why it's been said. 52:46 Okay. 52:46 So you would not get involved. It's as simple as that. Stay there for a moment. I want to bring in Trevor on this. 52:52 How are you, Adrian? Just coming in on the end of this topic. Can't wait to listen to it later on Spotify. But just to say this, as someone who's seen a woman being abused, tried to intervene and she ended up stabbing me in the shoulder with a stiletto. 53:08 So it was screaming at me, don't, don't hit me, fella. Don't hit me, fella. 53:13 um yeah i'll never intervene again and i will never open my mouth again because just can't struggle for me and a hospital bill for me or they two just started hugging each other when they got up 53:29 down to me if the woman's not prepared to apart them sorry ain't my problem alright Trevor thanks very much indeed saying pretty much what was said earlier on another coward in your opinion I know it feels bad when a man says he but it hits differently when a woman says she'd ignore it because I am very for I'm all for you know I think women should you know back up other women and then like I said to hear Lola refer to herself as a warrior I'd say she's a fucking aegis 53:59 to bury your head in the sand no problem I like to keep the peace peaceful is better so what about if you're in a state and then you start a war between everyone it's not better off that the guards or the services deal with it but how can the services know about it if warriors like yourself are too afraid to say it No, but you go to the Guard of Confidential Line or you go straight to Tulsa. 54:20 But you said you wouldn't go to a Guard of Confidential Line. 54:22 No, that's what I did say. I said, you ring the Guard of Confidential Line. But you said you wouldn't. You said you'd ignore it. No, I said I would. That's what I said I would do. 54:31 But she doesn't want to be directly involved in any way. 54:34 Exactly. 54:35 Okay, stay there for a moment. Stay there for a moment. Let me go to, well, let me read a message that came in to us a minute ago. And we were hoping to talk to this lady, but unfortunately she can't now. But anyway, she said, as a woman who's been in this situation and left because I didn't want my kids to turn out like this, it wasn't easy to leave. The emotional manipulation from these men is hard to get past. The neighbours rang the police and my husband blamed them. So did all his family. 55:06 Called them nosy, interfering you-know-whats. For me, it was a blessing as having social services and the police called for my children's welfare was so embarrassing and made me feel ashamed as a mother. That's when I checked out of my marriage in my head and two months later I got the balls to speak to my family and leave. 55:29 So basically what that lady is saying is, even though she didn't like it at the time, it was the catalyst that made her do something about her toxic marriage. One final call, and that's you, Samantha. You're on Opinions Matter. How are you? 55:45 Hi, Adrian. I'm fuming and listening to you today. I'm fuming and listening to that gobshite of a woman there as well. How dare she call herself a warrior? Would you cop onto yourself? You're an absolute waste of space towards every woman around. And as for Martin... Oh my God. Adrian, you've a clear duty not to let that cop shite on the show anymore because he shouldn't be allowed to be calling women bitches or cums. He certainly won't call me if I ever seen him at any time. I'm just ashamed to be listening to people today on this. 56:15 Okay, Lola, let me throw that back to you. This woman is ashamed listening to people like you and Martin who would basically protect yourselves and not get involved. 56:25 Absolutely. And that's obviously fair enough. I would absolutely 100% my family. 56:31 from any offense. So if you've got a violent person, I certainly do not want to be involved. I certainly do not want my house or my children to be attacked or my family. 56:42 100%, I would go straight directly. I think that woman, if she's been abused, get out. She has to make her own decision. And you can call the guards. She can get her social worker in there, save domestic violence. But this is the problem. She might need him. 56:58 And I don't know, or else vice versa, or the kid's, But no, to be honest with you, I absolutely would not get involved. The Garda are there for a reason. The Garda's confidential on the Coltons. I would knock. And why would you want to start a war against... There's no war going against... If I knocked on my neighbour's door... You're an absolute coward. Well, I'm right I'm a coward, if that's what it means. Well, I'm telling you now, whatever your name is, you are a coward. You're an absolute coward. There's children involved. 57:30 No. There's children involved. Well, then you go and... And there's a woman. Why don't you do it yourself? Yes, go and do it yourself. But I certainly wouldn't be knocking the door. 57:38 You obviously don't know very much about you. Do you think this woman has any chance of going to the police station on her own and explaining what's happening? That's what we're here for women's role to each other. That's what women should be doing, supporting each other. 57:53 Women's Refuge, you call them and you get them to go through it. There's signs that you can do. And you obviously haven't been in a situation where you're abused like that, so you've no idea what to talk about. What you can do is you can write it on your hands saying, help me, okay? 58:08 And then you can call yourself a warrior. Are you blue? 58:11 Okay, Samantha, let me ask you then. 58:21 I'm human. I know I can hear that. Your advice to the lady who contacted us in the first place about what was said to her six-year-old child. What should this lady do? 58:32 This lady should go to the guards straight away and tell the guards what's happened. They'll involve all the necessary people that need to be involved in this. I want to start off by saying I understand people saying to their kids about their body parts, this is your vagina, this is your penis, all for child abuse and everything else that's going on the board. But for a six-year-old to say pussy, Adrian, no six-year-old knows that word as a pussy, only as a pussycat, like Katie said earlier. Not a six-year-old unless there's some sort of abuse going on inside a house that nobody knows about or everybody is trying to ignore. 59:07 Okay, so I want you to imagine this scenario. 59:10 I want you to imagine this scenario. This lady who's been in touch with us, gets in touch with the guards, tells the guards what she has witnessed and what has happened. And the guards arrive and knock on that door. The chances are very, very high that that family, be it the husband or the wife who answers the front door, will say, no, nothing going on here. Absolutely nothing to see here. Then what? 59:34 and the special guards I tell you Adrian what will happen the special guards trained for this sort of thing and they will know exactly they will question the children as well and they'll know exactly by the way the children talk what's going on and then there might be support for him 59:48 According to Lola, the warrior princess who runs away from trouble, you're better off disassociating. 59:54 Oh, well, you know what, Katie? We can all fucking bury our heads in the sand and it won't help anybody. You know, there'll be plenty of youth children out there. Let's all go out to Sandy Mount now and bury our heads in the sand. Lola wants to keep the peace, but Lola will happily... 60:10 will happily say nothing. There's no peace in that poor child's house. 60:13 Nope. That child's not coming out of that ward for no reason. Do you know what the hand signal is? Have you ever heard of the hand signal? Do you know what? You don't want to hear about it. It's a very common thing when someone's in trouble. The hand signal is, you write, help me. You put it on your hand. And if a woman or a child is in domestic abuse, you go outside and you show someone it. And the hand signal is basically... 60:36 And they can say, help me. Again, you are putting the onus. You should educate your children to know that. 60:46 Lola, you're putting the onus again on the mother of these children. You're putting the onus. You are literally victim blaming. 60:56 Thank you. Cheers. No, but no, I'm saying, look, look, the thing about it is, the only thing that can happen is, like you said, they can bang on the door of the guards, tell us that everything's going to look perfect. The only way that I can if they speak. Those children are going to be probably told not to say a word. That's the realistic side of things, unfortunately. 61:16 As I always say, when it comes to abuse, whether it's animals or people or anything like it, doing something is better than doing nothing. Even if they try to cover it up, at least you try to do something, at least you try to help it. 61:28 I want to squeeze in one final WhatsApp voice note from Neil. 61:32 Okay, totally agree with you. Nobody knows what the situation is with regards to financial. They may have to stay there with regards to financial, with regards to anything else. Nobody knows what the situation is. You can't just get out and walk, get up and walk. Something else is going on that they can't. 61:46 do it unfortunately I understand you cheers Katie alright thanks very much indeed Neil and one final message from Liam says the phrase keep the peace is absolutely vile does it give you peace knowing another child is doing it while sitting on your effing hole doing nothing to help in other words the child is also trying to keep the peace always always Thank you very much indeed for listening to this latest Opinions Matter podcast. 62:18 If you enjoyed it, please hit subscribe or follow. Click on the bell icon on Spotify. And that way you'll get a notification each and every time we upload a new episode, which, by the way, is most weekday afternoons. If you enjoyed the podcast, you can share it onto your own social media and let others know that Opinions Matter with Adrian, Jeremy and Katie is a daily podcast from Ireland with a difference. 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